Over the course of eight seasons, we learned a great deal from Sam and Dean’s travels. Being bored out of our minds and stuck in front of an air conditioner, we have decided to make an ultimate list of the things we learned from watching Supernatural. Some will make you laugh, some will make you cry, and some will make you punch the screen while calling us Satan (we hope, anyway). Read on, and feel all of the feels!
1. Don’t make deals with demons. If you can’t get it without a miracle (or is it really a miracle?) pr perverting the natural order of things, then you probably shouldn’t have it anyway.
2. Don’t sleep with Sam Winchester. That’s just asking for death.
3. Angels are assholes…
4. …unless they wear trench coats.
5. Book clubs are always evil. So are bored socialites. And those friendly but eerie neighbors down the road who make everyone mistletoe wreaths for Christmas and smile too much. Don’t join book clubs. Say no to drugs.
6. Salt is your friend. It tastes good on most foods, it’s essential for making delicious pickled foods, it makes the ocean salty and it keeps the creepy-crawlies and the spooky-wookies away. What more could you ask for?
7. If you must go out, go out with a bang. Or, better yet, with a bang and a sassy exit line
(we’re looking at you, Gabriel).
8. When in doubt, set on fire. We really cannot stress this one enough.
9. Don’t doodle odd symbols while bored, they might secretly be Enochian summoning sigils or demonic spells. Do you really want to accidentally call forth Chthulu because you couldn’t keep your mind on your meeting? Making a black metal album out of the Necronomicon is not forbidden, but somewhat discouraged.
10. Family is important…
11. …but family ain’t only in blood.
12. Pie makes everything better.
13. Tricksters love candy, television and classic rock. Therefore the best way to lure one out is to set some M&Ms and The Best of Asia in front of a TV running a Doctor Sexy marathon.
14. You can’t trust everyone, but you won’t know whom to trust until you trust somebody. Some people you thought you could trust will screw you over along the way, and some people you thought would screw you over for sure will come through to be the truest, most loyal friends you could wish for. You won’t know which one’s which until the moment for them to come through, and you can’t always predict it.
15. Everyone has a reason for doing something; you just have to know what that reason is. Then, it’s only a matter of digging the bones up and dousing them in gasoline before making a little bonfire.
16. Cowboy boots are sexy. Doctor Sexy is sexy because he wears cowboy boots. Sexy.
17. You should eat a salad sometime. Salads make sexy moose boys grow taller.
18. The fourth kind is always a butt thing.
19. Losing your shoe is worse than losing your brother, your soul, your destiny, your chance at college degree and your girlfriend. We guarantee it.
20. If the forces of evil are annoying you, just tell them to shut up.
21. Satan loves Queen. And he has pink sparkly wings because he gives zero winged, airborne intercourses about gender roles.
22. Even if the odds are against you, keep going – if you push hard enough, you will prevail. Team Free Will did.
23. If there is something you don’t know, ask the pizza man first. Or the room service delivery guy with a funky mustache.
24. Handprint burn mark on your arm? That’s Enochian for “Property of Castiel, do not feed.”
25. When encountering interdimensional outer-space aliens, it is important to remember that they do not always have familiarity with the current slang. Or even the slang from two centuries ago. Also, keep in mind those aliens can be very literal-minded. Just sayin’.